I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
