Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
