you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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