I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can you bring me the toilet please
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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