I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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