Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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