the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
