I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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