The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
