my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
