omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize