oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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