he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
