Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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