so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize