So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
