She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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