Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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