There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
