i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
