Where is the hickey?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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