Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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