There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
