I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
