I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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