what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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