I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
