This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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