need another drink. this is the easiest way
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
