it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
