i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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