The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
