"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
