just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
