Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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