he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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