in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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