Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
