I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
