So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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