Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My life is pants optional.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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