Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Actions speak louder than pants.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
