Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I understand Curling. That high.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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