You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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