Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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