My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
