Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
