Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
