Me too!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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