I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize