The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
