I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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