Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
