i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
