he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
