what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
