I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
