This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
