ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
