So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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