I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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