WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Randomize
