i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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