T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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