You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
