Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
