So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
