What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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