Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
